


Ghost

by twilightdazzle



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:26:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightdazzle/pseuds/twilightdazzle
Summary: Sakura is officially declared missing on a Wednesday morning. Wednesday, what a stupid day to go missing. Of course, Sakura is the only person he knows that is annoying enough to interrupt the middle of the week like this.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 19
Kudos: 187





	1. Chapter 1

Sakura is officially declared missing on a Wednesday morning.

Wednesday, what a stupid day to go missing. At least, that's what Sasuke thinks as he stares blandly out of one of the many windows in the Hokage's office. Of course, Sakura is the only person he knows that is annoying enough to interrupt the middle of the week like this.

"There's been no trace of her," Kakashi remarks grimly, so seriously, from behind his desk. Sasuke finally turns away from the window, hands crossed casually behind his back and his indifferent face unchanged. Kakashi looks distressed. The black mask covering his face is badly wrinkled, eyes dull with purpling bags underneath, silver hair unkempt. In the entire year that he's been Hokage, Sasuke has never seen his former sensei so troubled.

Obsidian eyes sweep across the room. Naruto and Sai are seated in the two wooden chairs across from the Hokage's desk. The blonde is distressed, sitting on the edge of his seat, jittery and anxious. Sai's face betrays nothing, but Sasuke can see that his body is more tensed than normal, and his eyes seem to dart about worriedly. The gravity of the situation creates a hot, stifling air in the room, and Sasuke feels like he is suffocating. It annoys him.

"When was she expected to return?" he asks, not because he is concerned, just curious…just curious.

"Five days ago," Kakashi answers and then swallows thickly. "We have received no messages from her, no indication at all of where she may be. It was only a two day mission, a quick delivery of medicinal supplies."

"Five days," Naruto says suddenly, face breaking out into a hopeful expression. "Only five days, Kakashi. She could still be out there. Waiting."

Kakashi says nothing, but Sai speaks up slowly. "We will find her." His says it in that awkward, emotionally devoid way of his, but his voice seems strong, confident.

Kakashi is silent for a long moment, and Sasuke waits. Finally, the corners of his eyes crinkle, the formation of a pained, empty smile. "Of course we will."

"Great," Naruto says. He stands with that stupid, hopeful brightness in his face, but his hands are shaking. "Well, I need to get my stuff together. I want to be on that next outgoing rescue team."

He rushes from the room, and Sai follows slowly, stating that he would like the same thing. Kakashi stares at Sasuke for a long moment before sighing too heavily and informing him that he would be on the team as well and they would be leaving by midday. The Uchiha leaves the silver haired man immediately after, hearing the frustrated crunch of papers beneath the copy nin's fists as the door eases shut behind him.

Sasuke lingers outside the doors of the Hokage building for a moment. The August morning sun is gentle, only a soft caress of heat against his skin. The air is crisp and cool, and the delicate breeze carries with it the scent of flowers. People happily spill out of their homes and into the streets, filling it with laughter and chatter.

It was a normal day. Sakura just wasn't a part of it.

Or so he told himself.

**********

A growl ferociously rips through the silence of Sasuke's apartment as a large hand comes down and furiously swipes a stack of mail off his table so that the white envelopes flutter wildly before scattering across the floor. He can't stop himself. The agonizing frustration that has been building within him has reached its explosive peak, and he physically lashes out at anything within his reach. Chairs. Dishes. End tables. The once immaculate space is a tempest, a picture of livid disaster. With one final burst of fury, he drives his fist into the wall, only vaguely feeling the way the skin splits across his knuckles.

With a heaving chest and inky black strands of hair falling limply into his eyes, he stares angrily at the large hole now decorating his walls. And the old picture of Team 7 that he had missed by mere inches. Kakashi's squinty grin. Naruto's scowl. His own face of disinterest…Sakura's blithe smile. Stupid fucking girl.

The fury seeps slowly from his body, but the frustration lingers, simmering on top of his skin, and he lets his forehead drop onto the wall. Another recovery mission. And another failure. He can't count how many he's been on at this point, but he always leaves with that same itching anxiousness and returns with enraged annoyance. She's nowhere. There are no clues, no footprints, no lingering whispers of emerald green eyes and a soft, pretty smile. Every day the team returns empty handed, Naruto's hopefulness digresses into frenzy and Sasuke's patience into rage. Sakura's absence is almost as annoying as her presence, and he just wants to find her so he can stop hearing her stupid fucking name whispered in the streets, stop being forced to refocus his entire life so that it revolved around her.

Naruto is absolutely frantic, running himself ragged on recovery missions or in Kakashi's office asking for another one. 'I can't give up,' he keeps telling him. 'I can't give up.' Sasuke blinks slowly. Such familiar words.

~~~~~

_"He can't give up," Sakura whispered to Sasuke as she attempted to heal his bloodied lip. Angry, Sasuke didn't answer, only watched Neji with a fierce glare as he furiously walked away from the team and into the brush, disarrayed and bruised from his brief scuffle with the Uchiha. "You don't understand what Tenten means to him. Her being in enemy hands is terrifying for him."_

_"It shouldn't matter," Sasuke spat, not even wincing as Sakura poked at his cracked ribs. "He's the team leader, and he's acting like a fucking lunatic. If he wants us to find her, he needs to regain some control."_

_Sakura clicked her tongue angrily, and he slid his eyes toward her where she kneeled in the dirt next to his sitting form, several strands of pink hair loose from her tight bun and swinging in her face, undoubtedly from the trouble she and Kiba had had when they attempted to separate the two men._

_"Of course it matters, Sasuke," she said firmly, palms glowing green as she pressed them to his side. "He's in love with her, and she doesn't even know. The only thing on his mind right now is regret because if we don't find her, he may never get the chance to tell her. He's scared that she'll die in pain, alone, without him and then he'll have to live the same way without her. And that's not living at all." He was silent during her rant, spotting a streak of red across her cheek from where his kunai had accidently caught her during the fight. "And even if it is unprofessional, you shouldn't be picking a fight with him. You're not helping either."_

_She finally glanced up at him, viridian eyes sad but determined, eyebrow raised as if daring him to argue. He didn't respond, only set his jaw stubbornly and used his thumb to wipe away the thin line of blood on her face from her busted lip. She squeezed his shoulder before they stood, begging him to understand, but he wasn't sure that he did._

_Two days later, when they finally found the missing weapons mistress, he watched as Neji collapsed by the fallen brunette, who was caked in her own blood, bruises, and mud, unmoving. The look that passed across the Hyuuga's face was pure anguish, a complete collapse of sanity and faith. Beside him, Sakura stifled a cry of horror. Then, Tenten's eyes flickered open slightly. She smiled faintly, whispered 'finally', and the Hyuuga kissed her for all he was worth._

_Sakura had collapsed against him in relief, and he caught her._

~~~~~

Sasuke frowns at the memory and then distastefully eyes his now trashed apartment, the dishes he would have to replace, the kunais embedded in the walls, the picture of Team 7 untouched.

On day twenty-three, Sakura is still missing and Sasuke is pretending not to feel the cold seeping into his chest.

**********

The bar is full, drunken laughter bouncing off the warmly lit walls with a mirth that the dark haired shinobi sitting in the corner can't feel. Sasuke is alone, nursing a strong drink that sears his throat as he takes down another large gulp, his ears buzzing with the raucous laughter and the furious pattering of the rain against the ceiling. The others had left hours ago, realizing that they couldn't escape the somberness anywhere they went and being together simply didn't help. Neji and Tenten had slipped away first, with a stiff parting from the Hyuuga and sad eyes from the lithe brunette. Next, Ino and Shikamaru had gone, the genius leading away the melancholy blonde with concerned eyes. Kiba, Lee, and Choji wandered away immediately after, lips pursed and hands in their pockets. Naruto, Hinata, and Sai had lingered for much longer, until a drunken, pained Naruto was lead home by his petite fiancé with Sai flanking his other side.

The group had tried so hard to make light conversation for nearly two hours, tried to infuse the heavy air with something buoyant and uplifting, but the alcohol had only caused everything to resurface with more intensity, more reality. And no one had been ready to face that yet.

Sasuke doesn't even notice their absence, absently raising his glass to his lips once more, dark, dark eyes trained on the area around the bar and the people carrying on so merrily. Like all is well and the world isn't significantly less pink. A song comes on that suddenly has the patrons cheering in approval, and Sasuke's ears perk because he remembers this song.

~~~~~

_Though Sasuke was loathe to admit it, his eyes kept migrating toward Sakura as she danced blithely in a cleared space in the bar. She and Ino danced around one another with drunken grins on their faces, the shinobi and kunoichi surrounding them laughing and chatting merrily, a rare night where they were all free of missions and responsibilities for a night out together. Her pastel pink hair was damp and wild from the rain outside, her simple red tank top clinging slightly to her skin, and she moved across the bar floor barefoot, shoes tossed under a table and forgotten. Her movements lacked the type of provocativeness one would usually find in a drunken, dancing girl, but she captured twice the attention. The way her cheeks flushed, the way her shoulders shook as she laughed, the way-_

_"Watching Sakura, huh?" Naruto's voice suddenly interrupted his solitude, the blonde sidling up next to him with a grin stretched wide across his face and a teasing humor in his cerulean eyes._

_Sasuke glared. "No," he said bluntly, taking a long swig from his drink and shifting slightly in the barstool to turn away from the blonde._

_Naruto laughed and thumped him playfully on the back, causing Sasuke to growl in annoyance, before sauntering over to Hinata and tossing an arm around the dark haired beauty's shoulders. She blushed but smiled sweetly at him. Just as Sasuke downed the rest of his drink, the song switched to something upbeat that had everyone cheering._

_Over the crowd, his sharp ears could pick up the tinkling of Sakura's blissful laughter. Reluctantly, his eyes slipped in her direction, through a throng of people that had parted just enough for him to catch full sight of her. She was jumping around, hands thrown above her head as she laughed with Ino and moved her body to the beat. Pale pink lips mouthed the words to the song, as her head bobbed, pink hair swinging back and forth. After a minute, she pranced toward Sai, grabbing onto his hands and tugging him onto the dance floor. The dark haired male was unsure and awkward, letting his arms be flailed about at Sakura's whim, but the ever present smile on his face seemed genuine for once, warm. The music was loud and the people louder, but the only thing that seemed to ricochet in his ears was her laughter, rich and smooth and delicate._

_Suddenly, she was in front of him, smiling softly, eyes sparkly and shiny like the world's purest emeralds. Her deceptively dainty hands rested on his knees, and he raised an eyebrow questioningly._

_"Always the life of the party, aren't you, Sasuke?" she teased, swiping his drink and raising it to her lips._

_He glared but didn't make a move to snatch it back. "Hn."_

_"Dance with me?" she asked, leaning forward a bit, eyes wide in an innocent, pleading stare. "If you sit here and mope all the time, you'll start to get a reputation, you know."_

_Sasuke pressed his hands to her shoulders, guiding her away from him so that she was no longer leaning into his knees. His fingers brushed her bare skin there. She was warm._

_"I don't dance, and my reputation is not a concern to me."_

_Sakura pouted playfully and then grinned sweetly. "Fine. How about you just be a gentleman and walk me home then?"_

_Sasuke sighed but agreed. At least it gave him an excuse to finally escape. Sakura gathered her shoes, and, after several quick goodbyes, the pair set off into the night. The rain, which had been diminished into a soft drizzle, suddenly picked up after five minutes of walking._

_The handsome Uchiha growled as his hair began to flatten against his head and fall into his eyes, but Sakura only laughed. Tipping her head back, she allowed it to beat against her face for a brief moment, a second of serenity and contentment, before laughing again, raising her arms, and twirling through the downpour gleefully. Soft pink and radiant green and incandescent smiles._

_Sasuke hadn't even realized he was watching her until he stepped into an unexpectedly large puddle, splattering himself in dirty water and mud up to his knees._

~~~~~

Sasuke finds himself suddenly overwhelmed by the bar patrons, by the music, by the alcohol. He stands abruptly, startling a couple of civilians at the table next to him, and moves swiftly to the door. Somewhat drunkenly, he stumbles into the rain.

It's too cold and too sharp, makes his clothes uncomfortably tight and heavy, and Sasuke thinks Sakura is fucking insane to ever enjoy this shit. He scowls. Stupid, annoying girl.

On day thirty-seven, Sasuke trudges home miserably and swears he hears Sakura's laughter ringing along the empty street.

**********

The series of sharp knocks on his front door break through the silence like the fierce crack of a whip. Sasuke doesn't move from his couch immediately, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and staring unblinkingly at the stupid picture hanging on his too white walls. Team 7. Naruto. Kakashi. Pink. Pink. Pink.

He rips himself off the couch and strides slowly to his front door, pulling it open harshly so that whoever is knocking will know that they are intruding on his solitude.

"Ino," he greets monotonously. "What do you want?"

The blonde fidgets for a moment. She looks uncomfortable standing in front of him but desperate all the same. Her hair is disheveled, pulled into a messy ponytail that isn't doing much on keeping her hair out of her face, her eyes weary and watery.

She swallows slowly, and the cool October wind whips her hair into her eyes and pushes its way inside her thin sweater. "I was just in the neighborhood and I wanted to stop by because…" She trails off and looks to her left with squinted eyes, and he knows she's trying to stop herself from crying. "It's been a while and I really miss Sakura, you know."

Sasuke feels something jolt inside of him at the sound of her name, feels a frigidity fill his body as anger spreads across his chest. Her name has become taboo, a trigger for nothing but pain and despair, and it is rare that he hears anyone say it aloud anymore, with the exception of Naruto, who sometimes whispers her name like it is a prayer or a plea. But hearing Ino say it so solidly, so courageously, causes this raging fire to burn within him. He's so angry, and he doesn't know if he should blame Ino or Sakura.

"I fail to see why this would bring you here," he responds callously to her words, tongue cold and sharp. The coolness of the evening begins to seep through his dark shirt and pants, but he welcomes the discomfort, welcomes anything besides the numbness he has been consumed by.

"I just wanted to talk to someone who loved Sakura as much as I did," Ino whispers, and Sasuke mentally rears back at her words but keeps a cool façade in place.

"You came to the wrong place then," Sasuke says, infuriated by her incredibly fucking stupid assumption. He doesn't love Sakura. She's annoying, and she's missing so he can't love her.

Ino stops sniffling for a moment to glare at him, blue eyes piercing as anger blossoms on her cheeks. "How can you stand here and deny that? I mean, look at you. You look like shit. It looks like you haven't slept in days. Your hair is a mess, you don't leave your apartment apart from training, and when was the last time you showered? You're grieving, Sasuke. You're hurting just like the rest of us, and you have too much fucking pride to admit it."

~~~~~

_"You're a fucking idiot."_

_Sasuke bristled at the sudden insult and stopped walking to turn and face the source of his annoyance. Kiba wasn't even looking at him, his sharp eyes focused quite intently on something over the Uchiha's shoulder. Sasuke turned slightly to follow his gaze and understood immediately what caught his attention. The street was crowded, lined with magnificently decorated booths and colorful lantern lights and giddy festival goers as they strolled through the busy streets, but Sakura was incredibly easy to spot. She moved around in a soft white dress, all tanned skin and short pink waves and pretty smiles. The light of the different colored lanterns danced across her face with a strange elegance, bathed her in an ethereal multicolored halo. There was a tranquility about her, a smile that was soft and honest, and she moved from booth to booth without rush, quick to engage the booth owners in conversation that had them smiling immediately in admiration. She was beautiful like a daydream._

_"You'll never be good enough for her," Kiba said bitingly, and Sasuke whipped his head back around, completely forgetting that he had even insulted him in the first place. Obsidian eyes narrowed into the infamous Uchiha glare, venomous and dark, and Kiba met it with the same ferocity._

_"And you will be, Inuzuka?" Sasuke questioned patronizingly, a sneer twisting his handsome features. His fists began to clench, his body tensed to the point of pain._

_Kiba chuckled dryly, boyish features taking on a harder edge. "Fuck no, but I could be a better man to her than you are." His grin was cold and challenging, and Sasuke would've liked nothing more than to wipe it and those stupid fucking tattoos right off his face. "She's in love with you, and you have your head shoved too far up your own ass to love her back."_

_Sasuke felt jagged tendrils of fury begin to rake down his spine, and it took everything in his power to not activate his Sharingan. In the middle of a crowded street with an already tainted reputation was not the best place to mercilessly pound someone into the dirt._

_"We're not friends, Uchiha," Kiba continued seriously, and Sasuke snorted derisively. "I won't give you the courtesy of playing fair, but, man to man, I will tell you that I plan on pursuing Sakura. And if she wants me, then I'll treat her the way a woman like her should be treated. So you can have your pride, and I can have Sakura."_

_With a hard glare and a rigidly set mouth, Kiba walked passed Sasuke with a lazy gait and straight to Sakura. Sasuke watched as Sakura smiled brightly when he touched her elbow, immediately linking her arm through his and letting him lead her along, the pair laughing together so heavily that Sakura had to lean into him to keep her balance. He didn't know how long he watched them, letting this lead like weight settle in his stomach and his rage give way to something a little more empty. Someone bumped his shoulder as they walked, and he was broken out of his trance. Shoulders hunched, hands buried deep in his pocket, he walked home, only the starry sky and absolute strangers to keep him company._

~~~~~

Sasuke winces slightly, a sick feeling churning in his chest as he remembers the six long months that Sakura and that disgusting piece of dog shit had dated afterwards. All the secretive smiles, blatant caressing, too long kisses. Fucking annoying. That's what they had been.

"I know what you're doing, Sasuke," Ino says, her eyes softening a little as she notices the wince and frown that suddenly cross his face, the way his body sags too heavily against the door frame. "And pretending won't help you any. You're in love with her…and I can understand why that frustrates you now more than ever."

Sasuke grits his teeth, clutches the door frame too tightly to prevent his ire from boiling over into the stillness of the fading afternoon. Who is she to assume such things? Who is she to come to his home and speak so confidently, so foolishly, of his feelings for Sakura? "You know nothing," Sasuke seethes with a sneer, beginning to close the door on Ino's sad, pleading face. "I don't love Sakura."

On day fifty-eight, Sasuke's tongue tastes like acid, and he finds that there's a lump in his throat too painful to swallow.

**********

"Come back tomorrow morning and we can discuss team members," Kakashi says stiffly, running a hand over his weary face. His mask is pulled down to reveal his entire face, every stress line and tense muscle visible to Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai. He had removed it in frustration two weeks ago, muttering to himself that he couldn't fucking breathe with that thing on his face. The reveal hadn't carried any sort of excitement, no exuberant shouts of triumph from Naruto and no curious stares from Sasuke. It was simply the wrong time to care about such things.

When Kakashi collapses back into his chair, the trio of shinobi take it as their dismissal and drag their feet tiredly out into the empty Konoha streets. The cold is absolutely biting, a frigid breeze seeping quickly into their thick coats and pants in a way that made their bones ache. They trudge through the ankle deep snow with slight difficulty but as quickly as possible. It's four in the morning, and Sasuke is fucking exhausted, can feel the greedy little fingers of sleepless insanity tickling the back of his mind, but he doesn't care, can't sleep, because every time he does he only dreams of her and silky pink strands brushing across his cheeks and apple green eyes that are so, so bright. And he just can't have that.

"I have a good feeling about this mission," Naruto says with a slight stutter, his teeth rattling together violently and breath puffing out in visible clouds. "We're close to finding her. I can feel it. We just need…"

Sasuke only listens to Naruto's impassioned rant with half an ear. The weight on his chest makes it hard to think, hard to focus, hard to breathe; it is unbearable. Every day it seems to get heavier and denser, like a sickness slowly infecting his body and making him crumble beneath its mighty force, and Sasuke feels like only half the person he was just months ago. He is fading, and it is her fault. It is her fucking fault that the world is suddenly washed in shades of gray, that it takes all of his energy to pull himself out of bed every morning, that the darkness he'd escaped years ago was beginning to consume him again.

"We're going to find her this time. I know it."

Naruto's hopeful, determined smile and confident words ignite a surge of vicious fury in Sasuke, and he suddenly snaps. "For fucks sake, Naruto," he seethes, voice loud and harsh. He stops completely to face his friends, fists clenched so hard that the skin on his palms begin to tear, inky black bangs falling into his snarling face. Sai and Naruto halt immediately, taken aback by the Uchiha's sudden outburst. "Give up already. Sakura isn't fucking coming back. She's gone. She's dead. And we are never going to find her." Naruto's surprised features quickly morph into an expression of outrage, cerulean eyes igniting with blazing disbelief as Sai's face hardens into stone. Sasuke continues, paying no mind to their growing fury or the snow flurries that are increasing in frequency and nearly blinding him as they cling to his eyelashes. "There hasn't been a single fucking trace of her, and you actually think she's coming back? A kunoichi doesn't just disappear for this long. No one will ever find her because she is-"

He doesn't get to finish because Naruto's fist comes crashing into his cheek, the force of the blow causing the Uchiha to stumble back several steps as sharp pain erupts across his face. Naruto's chest is heaving dramatically, teeth gritted and mouth twisted in a mixed expression of anguish and rage.

"Don't say another word, Sasuke," he threatens, fists clenching and unclenching. "Or I will pound your sorry ass into the ground until you can't walk. You're a complete piece of shit, a fucking coward, giving up because you're too afraid of the outcome."

Black irises morph into a deep red, and Sasuke launches himself back at Naruto with a growl. The blonde meets him with equal ferocity, and the two clash in a flurry of displaced snow, their shouts echoing loudly along the empty Konoha street. Sai stands by without intention to assist either of the enraged shinobi, understanding that this torrent of emotion would extinguish itself, understanding that even he was too emotionally weary to put forth the effort.

"You're living a fantasy, Naruto," Sasuke growls, grunting when Naruto's fist makes contact with his ribs. The pain is sharp enough to make him stumble but not bad enough to slow him down.

"At least I'm not too scared to fight for my friends," Naruto manages to reply through gritted teeth as he wipes away the blood from his split lip.

Infuriated shouts and grunting echo along the deserted, snow packed streets, and Sai frowns as he watches the wrestling friends. Moonlight seems to bounce off the drifting snow flurries, igniting them with a strange, crystalline glow, and it looks like stars dripping from the velvety black night sky. The snow is packed densely along the streets, along the rooftops, a thick blanket of shimmering white. A soft yellow glow from the streetlamps bathes parts of the street in gold, and the air, though bitingly frigid, is refreshingly clean and sharp. He does not completely understand fairy tales yet, but this is what he imagines they must look like. Breathtakingly exquisite, as Sakura had described to him so many times. It is a shame that such serenity is being disrupted by useless anger.

Naruto suddenly lands a sharp kick to Sasuke's stomach, sending his dark haired opponent catapulting into the snow. The blonde's chest is heaving, angry tears beginning to swim inside his eyes. Sasuke stands slowly, arm clutching his abdomen as he struggles to gain some semblance of control over his rage and his breath.

"Why are you really compartmentalizing all this, Sasuke?" Naruto asks with a malicious bite, eyes hard and cold despite the tears that dance along his lash line. "Is it because you feel guilty? Does it hurt to know that you were supposed to be Sakura's escort, that you could have been there to protect her, and instead you convinced Kakashi to send her with someone else? You abandoned her again and look what happened."

The world spins violently for a second, like a savage, relentless tornado, and he can't fucking breathe. Then, it stops and comes crashing right back down on his head, and he is being crushed underneath its incredible weight. Does he feel guilty? Does it hurt? Does it hurt?

~~~~~

_The sun was a blazing crimson as it sunk lower on the horizon, setting the sky alight with magnificent crimsons, pinks, and golds. Civilians were slowly beginning to close their business for the day and head home, and the boisterous, energetic chatter of the day was replaced with the soft murmur of goodbyes and tired, last minute conversation. Everything was so calm, so serene._

_"Did it hurt? Leaving us all those years ago I mean."_

_The question violently cut through Sasuke's thoughts. Dark eyes immediately swept to the pink haired woman sitting across the table from him. Her eyes were bright and innocent, like the question was as casual as asking about the weather, and she smiled genuinely at the waitress when she came by with their drinks and two for Naruto and Kakashi, who had yet to arrive for their weekly lunch._

_He stiffened and clenched his fists unconsciously underneath the table, a clear sign of his discomfort. Sakura stared at him patiently, chin resting in her palm as her other hand absently twirled the straw in her drink, radiant emeralds burning a hole right through him. His heart thumped too roughly against his chest._

_After a long moment, he looked away from her expectant face, gazing out the window at the people strolling by. "I did what I had to do."_

_Another long pause followed, long enough that Sasuke looked back at his old teammate curiously. Her mouth was turned down into a frown, her brow creasing slightly._

_She sighed. "I'll never fully understand why you did it, Sasuke," she said softly. "We could've helped you."_

_"I didn't need your help," he snapped aggressively, irritated that she was bringing up the past he would rather just forget. "You would've held me back."_

_"Naruto stayed and he got stronger. I stayed and I got stronger," she stated simply, but Sasuke recognized the spark of fire in her eyes. "We always held on to the things we would fight for, and you always held on to the things you wanted to fight against. It didn't make you stronger, Sasuke; it made you empty."_

_Sasuke's aggravation flared, and his eyes momentarily flickered to crimson. What did she know about emptiness? Sakura noticed the shadow of anger beginning to darken his face, and gently placed one of her small hands on his forearm resting atop the table. His body immediately stiffened upon the contact, but then relaxed again as her eyes softened into an understanding, pleading look._

_"You've accomplished what you set out to, Sasuke," she said gently, a small, encouraging smile slipping onto her face. "There's no reason to hide anymore."_

_"I'm not hiding from anyone," he hissed through gritted teeth, annoyed by her stupid smile and stupid eyes that looked at him with such unfounded understanding. He removed his arm from her touch and summoned a warning glare, but the brightness in her eyes didn't dim. "I don't know what you want from me, but, I assure you, I don't have it."_

_Sakura glanced over his shoulder and beamed, waving her hand so that Naruto, who was pulling Kakashi along by the sleeve as the elder ninja kept his orange book raised diligently to his face, could see them in the crowded restaurant. Sasuke didn't know if he should feel offended by the ease with which she could put a somewhat somber conversation on hold. After Naruto had returned her wave, the medic turned back to her companion._

_"I just want you to be honest with yourself, Sasuke," she stated, pushing her hair behind her ear and leaned forward so she could eye him very closely. "And when you stop trying to hide your emotions from yourself maybe then you can be happy." She smiled softly though her eyes were serious._

_Just then Naruto slid into the booth beside Sasuke, bumping his shoulder roughly and greeting the pair with an enthusiastic smile. Kakashi slid in beside Sakura with more grace and less noise, but lowered his book to his lap to ruffle Sakura's hair with an affectionate squint of his eyes. She laughed and playfully swatted his hands away. The Uchiha stared at the trio for a long moment, watched as Sakura snatched away Kakashi's book with a scolding face and how little he resisted despite his pout and feeble attempt to justify his obsession with pornography, watched as Naruto chattered on and on about something that made Kakashi chuckle endlessly and Sakura laugh so hard that tears of mirth began to leak from her eyes. They picked food off of each other's plates, teased one another relentlessly, smiled fondly, laughed without restraint._

_So was it hard, Sasuke, leaving us behind? The question lingered like thunder in his ears, but no one else seemed to hear it._

~~~~~

Something in Sasuke shudders and breaks, the answers to those questions like knives in his ribs. "You don't think it's hard for me!" he shouts, screams really, and his head hurts and his chest hurts and he feels so fucking cold. "You think it doesn't keep me up every night, knowing that she's gone, knowing that every time we go out there looking for her, we'll come back empty handed? You think I actually want her to be gone, that I don't want her here with us, with me, where she belongs?"

Sasuke's raised voice breaks through the silence of the night with shattering force, ruining the pretty picture of a serene, snow touched village. The raw emotion in his voice dances among the scattering snowflakes, winds its way along the deserted street, sends Naruto into paralyzed shock. The blonde had wanted this reaction, wanted his long-time friend to do something, but hearing the anguish so poorly veiled in his words, feeling the intensity of frustration simmering inside him like an inferno, was almost too much, too raw to even process.

Sai is the only one who looks relatively composed in the situation, but even he feels something in his chest stutter painfully as the cracks in Sasuke's rough exterior begin to show. He feels his lips pull into something uncomfortable – a grimace, Sai, Sakura would say – and his eyes flutter shut for a brief moment because the stutter is now more of a throbbing ache.

Sasuke finds it incredibly hard to catch his breath for some reason, like there's something in his throat that won't let him swallow any oxygen. Naruto's staring at him with wide eyes, the fury melting from his face as something more tormented took its place. Sai stares at him unblinkingly, eyes blank but mouth curled down into something more somber than a frown.

Their faces are too honest, their pain too palpable and real, so Sasuke abruptly turns on his heel and heads home.

When the door of his apartment closes behind him and a blanket of warmth encompasses his body, he only just realizes how incredibly cold he had been. His fingers are frozen stiff, his face stung by the hostile bite of the frigid air, and his body trembles violently despite his best attempts.

Even in the warmth, he can't catch a breath, can't seem to get that tightness off of his chest for even a brief moment.

On day eighty-two, it hurts. It fucking hurts.

**********

Passing a weary hand over his face, Sasuke pads through the darkness of his kitchen with practiced feet. It's a quarter past four in the morning, and everything about the night is absolutely still. The Uchiha lethargically makes himself coffee, the soft whirring of the machine sounding exceptionally loud in the silence, and stiffy settles down at his small kitchen table. His coffee is bitter and too hot, burning his tongue and the roof of his mouth sharply, but he keeps drinking it anyway.

He's so tired, exhausted to the point of frustration, but he can't sleep because the thought of those bright, bright viridian eyes dancing and twinkling behind his eyelids for another night makes his chest seize. At first, the dreams were reluctantly welcome, a brief reprieve from the torment of a life without pink. To see her smile, to feel her fingers brushing his shoulder, to watch the way silky pink strands brushed tanned shoulders. It had been refreshing to feel her presence again, like jumping into a pool of cold water on a hot day, but, gradually, these dreams warped into nightmares where he would run and run and run but never get any closer. She was always just out of reach, always waiting with a pretty smile on her face and her hand outstretched for him, but he just couldn't grasp her.

Then, he started seeing her when he was awake. When he wound his way through the market, the slightest flash of pink had him stumbling and frantic, and he swore he's seen her eyes shining up at him in the crowd. Her voice laughed to him as he strolled about on busy, lively nights, and her smile was felt in every sunrise.

Had he finally done it? Had he finally lost the last few strings connecting him to sanity?

'Fuck, Sakura', he thinks as his fists clench atop the table, jaw tensing so viciously it sends a sharp pain through his teeth. Obsidian locks fall forward into his face as he hunches over the table, the crescents of his nails beginning to dig marks into the table.

The misery is absolutely asphyxiating, and he wishes so badly that this situation meant nothing to him, that she meant nothing to him.

~~~~~

_He got drunk, and so did she. And then it was easy._

_He caught her eye across the room – accidentally, purely accidentally – and then his fingers are suddenly wrapped around hers, tugging her from the drunken cheer and merriment of Naruto and Hinata's engagement party and into the night. If he was someone else – someone honest – he would say it was the radiance of her smile, the allure of her eyes, the way that black dress curved delicately around her shapely thighs and pert breasts. But he wasn't that person, so he decided it was the alcohol surging through his veins and his own aching libido that had gone unsatisfied for far too long._

_When he finally shoved her up against his front door, however, he couldn't deny, even to himself, that the feel of her velvet lips against his was anything short of divine. She kissed him with abandon, wrapping her leg around his thigh so that his hard cock was pressed flush against her aching center, rocking against him while her arms locked around his neck._

_He could've kissed her forever, just like that. Fingers buried in silken pink strands, tongue aggressively tangled with hers, bodies so flush that he could feel her heart tattooing his chest._

_But then she tugged and he followed, stumbling inside after her until his knees hit the edge of his bed, his body falling into hers like he was coming home._

_There was more frantic kissing, clothes flying off until they're pressed skin to skin, vulnerability to vulnerability, and when he teased one of her nipples with a relentless tongue, she arched and whimpered in such a way that he had to grind his hips into the mattress, the ache so prominent it was bone deep._

_Everything about her was soft and warm, and her cry when he finally laid his tongue on her clit made him shudder violently. She tugged his hair, and his teeth dragged harsher against the sensitive bud, her mouth falling open in a soundless cry when his fingers plunged deep into her slick warmth. Her pussy was spasming around his fingers and he thought 'mine, mine, mine' with such ferocity that he only suckled her harder, her screams like music to his ears._

_Before her last spasm subsided, he was pounding his aching, swollen length into her, hoisting her thighs around his waist, plunging so deep and hard his teeth rattled. She panted. She moaned. She destroyed every sane thought in his head._

_Heaven, he thought as he came with a ferocity that made his mind blank, heaven. And he feels everything in this moment._

_In the morning, he would wake - sated and content and completely alone - and convince himself the opposite before marching to the Hokage's office to demand that Sakura be partnered with someone else for this upcoming mission. Because this and she and them should mean nothing._

~~~~~

Sasuke launches his fist into the wood table, splintering it to pieces and noisily sending his coffee mug careening to the floor.

When he looks at the shadows playing against his walls, he swears it's her, swears it's her form dancing in the darkness, her voice whispering in the night wind.

On day one hundred and one, Sasuke wonders... if she haunts his every step, does that mean she's already dead?

**********

It's a normal day – the new normal, the one without Sakura – that Sasuke lays exhausted and restless in the middle of the training grounds and realizes he really can't remember the sound of her voice. It's like a cold bucket of water on his body, and he tenses violently.

'Soft, whimsical,' he tries to remind himself, then changes his mind. 'No, strong, confident.'

He's hyperventilating because now the exact green shade of her eyes is ambiguous, maybe light or maybe dark. Was her hair pink or was it a very light red?

The overcast sky above him feels too dark – Sakura likes the sun, she always did – and his body feels too heavy upon the damp earth.

His mind is forgetting her, but the rest of him isn't.

On day one hundred and twelve, Sasuke Uchiha feels like the ghost she has become.

**********

Day one hundred and fourteen. It's been less than a year but more than a lifetime. Sasuke trudges through the every day bustle of the streets with Naruto, sullen and empty. Naurto's spine is straight and strong, but his head hangs miserably, fists shoved deep in his orange pockets. It's too loud but not loud enough. There's a voice missing.

They turn a corner and suddenly Sai is charging up to them, dark eyes unusually wide and breath heavy and frantic.

"Sakura," he gasps, and Sasuke feels the wind stop abruptly on his face. "Found her. She's alive."

It's quiet for an achingly long moment before Naruto turns to look at him with a tensed jaw and shimmering, hopeful eyes. Sasuke feels a heavy breath escape him before the trio is speeding in the direction of the hospital.

For the first time in months, Sasuke is aware of the wind cascading along his face and his heartbeat rushing, throbbing, thundering in his ears. Alive. Alive. Alive.

The hospital is bustling when they charge through the doors, nurses teary eyed and smiling and random shinobi milling about in awe and confusion. Sasuke feels powerfully overwhelmed. Where is she? When can they see her? What, how, why?

"You've heard," Kakashi suddenly announces from behind them, Hokage robes lopsided, hair messy, but smiling brilliantly beneath his mask. The three turn to him immediately, eager for information. "She's stable, malnourished and weak but stable." Sasuke can hardly breathe, can hardly hear. "Before she fell unconscious again, she told us it was a group of rogue nin. They ambushed her when she was weak after working in a nearby village. Apparently, the leader's brother was suffering from some lethal but slow-acting poison, and they had been lying in wait for her. Kept her with them this whole time for her to develop a cure. She escaped just a couple days ago, and a group of our own stumbled across her not even a mile from the village gates."

Sasuke feels a violent rage surge through him, and it feels good…having someone to be angry for again. But he also feels an insane sense of pride. She survived on her own, fought on her own, escaped on her own. All at once, emotion seems to flood his being, emotion that he had grown so unaccustomed to.

"We are aware of their location and will be sending out a team within the hour."

Sasuke's head snaps up. Revenge. This is what he's good at, but what about Sakura? Who will she wake to? No…he will avenge her first. She will wake to friends and family and a little bit of justice. She deserved that much. "I'm in."

"Me too," Naruto declared with a resolute expression, fists clenching.

"I volunteer as well," Sai states with more conviction in his expression than Sasuke has ever seen.

"No." Sasuke can't stop himself from objecting. She'll need someone. "You'll both stay. I'll go. She'll need someone to wake to."

Sai nods in agreement, but Naruto looks ready to argue. After a hard glare and a few moments of thoughtful consideration, Naruto also nods, his hand squeezing Sasuke's shoulder sharply. "You'll do right by her, yeah?"

Sasuke's throat suddenly feels tight, so he can only nod abruptly in confirmation. Kakashi's eyes are blazing.

Half an hour later, the Uchiha slips into the growing evening with a team of five others and an inferno burning in his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

It's four days later, and the hospital is eerily silent. At dawn, Sasuke would expect there to be a little more noise, a little more chaos, but there is only peace. No nurses attempt to stop him as he strides purposefully down the corridors, most nodding to him in weary acknowledgement and subtly gesturing him in the right direction. He's still wearing his mission gear, a little more bloodied and dirtied than normal, but this was his first stop upon entering Konoha.

He doesn't get nervous until he's in front of her room door. First, he places his weapons on the waiting bench outside her room, carefully undoing his kunai pouches and unstrapping the katana from his back. Then, he paces. Back and forth, back and forth. This would be the first time he's seen her in nearly four months. Was he ready? Was she? Kakashi had given the team kill orders before sending them out to confront Sakura's captors, but would she be ready to see the blood caked beneath his fingernails?

A frizzy haired nurse stops abruptly as she passes him, swatting him on the arm with a manila folder and gesturing wildly toward Sakura's room. He glowers at her, but she only glowers back with an arched eyebrow until he finally sighs and inches forward, fingers encasing the doorknob and twisting.

She's awake, sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs swinging beneath her, gaze focused on the window and the sun breaching the horizon beyond it. Kami, she's thin, the crisp white hospital gown hanging too loose and revealing the prominent edges of her collarbone, cheekbones sharper than they used to be. But she's fucking beautiful. Her petal pink hair is the slightest bit longer, hanging down her back in tangled waves, eyes as vibrantly green as they ever were. The orange of the rising sun is stark against her pale skin, but it seems to highlight her liveliness, the beautiful rise and fall of her chest.

Life looks so beautiful on her.

It's obvious that she's had copious amounts of visitors. There are flowers in every color settled all around the room, painting it with vibrant pinks, blues, purples, yellows. Someone brought her fuzzy throw blankets from home, stacked atop her bed in mountains. There's pillows and books and magazines and everything that says love lives here.

Sakura turns to him the moment the door creaks and smiles so brilliantly, so easily, that his throat closes up for a moment. Sakura. Sakura. Sakura.

"Sasuke," she whispers almost breathlessly, eyes bright, so bright. "I was wondering when you'd get back."

The Uchiha says nothing for a long moment, and he's trying to remain composed, retain that distance he's used to. But he's tired, _so tired_. The smile she gives him then is soft and heartbreaking and beckoning, so he moves forward stiffly but without hesitation, dropping to his knees directly between her legs to the floor and burying his face in her stomach. He knows she's surprised because she stiffens for a quick second before relaxing and bending over him, cradling his head in her lap.

He feels her breath brushing over his ears, her fingers twisting in his dark hair, the warmth of skin beneath his fingertips. She doesn't say anything more, and he doesn't try to pretend that his eyes aren't burning just a little.

"Sakura," he begins hoarsely, trailing off to bury his face deeper into her stomach. His throat hurts so much; it's so hard to talk.

"I know," she whispers back, and her voice wavers. Just the sound of it makes him shudder. "It's been a really long time."

He huffs out an amused breath, an almost laugh, and leans back so that he can look up at her. Delicate nose and proud cheekbones. A gentle smile and iridescent eyes. He was wrong; he was never in danger of forgetting her face. This is exactly the way he remembered her. Her green eyes are covered in a mist, but she isn't crying, and despite how her weary form trembles, there is something proud and strong in the set of her spine.

"Yes," Sasuke finally says, "It's been too long."

Sakura touches his face softly, palm pressed to his stubbled cheek, and finally he can breathe.

It's been twenty days, and he can hardly remember them as they fly by. Funny how twenty days of her missing feels like years and twenty days of her presence only feels like hours. Sasuke wants to catch those days between his greedy fingers and hold on just a little longer, wants to savor everything without rush. For once.

**********

"Bye guys!" Sakura calls from her front door. "Hinata, I'll see you for breakfast tomorrow."

She stands on the tips of her toes and waves them away merrily, her baggy t-shirt riding up the flat expanse of her stomach, loose shorts revealing the luscious bottom swell of her ass, messy ponytail swinging across her back. Sasuke suppresses a groan and clenches his fists underneath her kitchen table. Sweet Kami. She hadn't dressed to impress for their lazy Sunday dinner, but she is still the sweetest goddamn thing he's ever seen.

Still smiling, she moves back into the kitchen to put the leftovers in plastic containers, completely comfortable with Sasuke's silent observation. 'It's his thing,' he'd overheard her whisper to Ino with a shrug when the curious blonde asked her about it after their last Sunday dinner. Sasuke hadn't been and still isn't embarrassed by that. Watching her was like breathing, a muscle memory, a reflex.

"I hope Kakashi ate enough," Sakura muses aloud, concern pinching her brows slightly. "You'd think someone running an entire village would have a greater appetite."

Sasuke only grunts. Their former sensei is undoubtedly doing just fine. He doesn't remark that Sakura only ate half of a plate, picking slowly at the food between chatter and laughter, doesn't mention the way she seemed to savor each bite like it was the only one she'd gotten in days. The weight is coming back, though gradually, and so is her energy. Tomorrow is her first day of work back at the hospital, and she is understandably nervous but excited. She continues to grow stronger in each training session, continues to smile up at him blindingly every day he hovers over her. And he hadn't been able to do anything but hover since the first day he'd seen her in the hospital. He is the first person to spar with her at each training session and the last to leave her apartment after dinner. She is a magnet; she is gravity.

Still, despite her progress, Sasuke only grows more restless. A morbid curiosity lingers in the back of his mind, settles at the edge of his tongue. Only Kakashi and Tsunade were present when Sakura gave her full, detailed statement of her time in captivity. Naruto was relieved by that lack of knowledge, Sai rationally understanding, but Sasuke was aching. He had told himself he wouldn't ask, didn't want to know, but he did.

He wants to know why her eyes grow hazy and distant when she's been laughing only moments before. He wants to know why her hands shake sometimes when she heals him after training. He wants to know why there are thick bands on her wrists that are even paler than the rest of her skin.

Finally, Sakura sits at the kitchen table with him, a glass of red wine raised to her lips. She shudders in delight when she takes a sip, and Sasuke hides a smirk. It happens every time she drinks. Sasuke continues to stare at her for a long moment before Sakura lowers her glass and sighs.

"What do you want to know, Sasuke?"

His heart is thundering, and he licks his lips. "Everything. Where did they keep you? And why for so long?"

Sakura takes a long sip and leans back heavily in her chair. Her eyes are clouded. "When they took me, they didn't even blindfold me or knock me out. I knew they didn't plan to let me go." Sasuke's teeth grind together, his fists clenching once more. "They had a base hidden out in the forest, not even two hours from the village, partially underground. Once we got there, they put these leather bracelets on my wrists. Chakra sealers." Sakura ran her hands through her hair, and Sasuke could see her frustration at the very thought. "The leader's younger brother had been poisoned with something incredibly powerful, by the father of a woman he'd wronged I overheard them say. He was being burned alive from the inside, slowly, his organs deteriorating. It was awful. And they needed me to fix him. It was almost impossible work. The chakra I could use was extremely limited, only enough to scan and analyze. They knew the cure to the poison wouldn't come from my own healing abilities; they knew I'd have to create and mix the antidote."

Sakura rose to refill her glass, bare foot tapping restlessly against the kitchen tile. She didn't sit back down and didn't look at him when she spoke, focusing on a spot on the floor.

"They fed me whenever they thought I deserved it, mostly some bread and cheese and soups, and left me to my own devices with a few guards outside the door. It took me a long time to make any progress. They obviously didn't like that, would usually just beat the hell out of me until they thought I got the point." She rubbed her collarbone absently like there was an ache there, and when she continued speaking there was a throatiness to her voice. "I wanted him to die at first. I was so angry. Sometimes, my stomach would ache so much that I couldn't even work on him. After the first month, I wanted to kill him on purpose just to get it over with…but, somehow, he became my patient instead of my enemy. And he was always just lying there in constant pain, always suffering, never conscious. Throwing my all into finding a cure was the only way…the only way I knew how to survive." She took another deep breath. "They were wrong, you know. I needed my chakra to heal him because the poison was chakra based. It fed off it, drew strength from it." Her eyes watered, but her chin was set hard, determined. "I didn't figure it out until my last day there, and I knew I could fix him in just a couple more days. But I was just so tired of waiting for them to come back, waiting for them to beat me half to death again or decide I was useless. I found a scalpel, and I just…I went for it." Another heavy sigh, another shudder. "No chakra for months, none of my strengths that I'm used to. I had to fight hard and dirty. By the time I was done, I could hardly even see through the blood falling over my eyes, but I just kept running. And you know the sad part?" Her hand is trembling, so she puts her wine glass down. "The whole time I was running I couldn't stop thinking about how close I was to saving him. Just a few more days and I would have been successful. He's probably gone now – especially after the team Kakashi sent out – and still all I can think about is how close I was."

Sasuke is silent for a very long moment, overly aware of the way her lips tremble just slightly and she blinks too rapidly. She is…too good. While her situation demanded fury and resentment, she showed compassion. It's almost impossible to understand.

He clears his throat. "Did they hurt you in a way…in a way I can't see?" It's the only way he can word the question, his throat dry and thick.

Sakura's brow scrunches for a moment in a confusion before her eyes widen in understanding. "No! No, no they never touched me like that. Maybe…maybe some of them thought that, but nobody ever acted on it."

Sasuke exhales heavily, feeling almost dizzy from her answer. He doesn't regret asking; he wants to know everything about her there is to know. Despite his roiling rage and anguish, there is nothing else he can do to the people that have harmed her. There is no more revenge to be had. He wants to rage, let the seal have him so he can destroy and hurt and avenge even more. But Sakura is staring at him with wide eyes that are so vulnerable and honest and she is begging him for simplicity. The only thing he can do is give her a sharp nod and a curt, "Okay."

Her face loses some of its tension, relieved he's done with his questions, relieved he understands. "Okay," she says, reclaiming her wine glass with a smile. "Watch a movie with me?"

Later, when Sasuke is watching the glow of the TV flicker across Sakura's face, he can't help but feel awed by the woman sitting next to him, her ability to survive over a hundred days in captivity, fight her way out with only a scalpel and then smile at you on day four of freedom and cook dinner every Sunday after that for her friends.

Sakura must sense his thoughts because she shoots him a grin and snuggles into his side. He wonders if he should tense up and push her away, pretend he doesn't like the way her hair smells and how warm she is against him.

They fall asleep in that position.

**********

Day thirty-six and he's annoyed again.

"Hn."

Sasuke grunts in displeasure when he pushes open Sakura's office door and finds the small room empty save for the medical files that are spilled across her desk and stacked on her small couch. Usually when they met for lunch, she would be waiting outside the hospital for him with a smile, but today she is nowhere to be found. Sasuke had waited for fifteen minutes before huffing and walking inside to question the staff. Nobody had seen her in over an hour and seemed too busy to go on a hunt for her, so they just distractedly waved him off to her office.

The Uchiha rolls his eyes and exits the office. Annoying girl. He's hungry. And now he'll have to suffer through lunch alone with Naruto's incessant talking.

He's only half way down the corridor when he passes a small closet and hears shuffling inside and then a sniffle. Why is someone hiding in a cleaning closet? Without hesitation, he yanks the door open, frowning when all he's met with is a handful of brooms and shelves of towels and cleaning sprays.

"Sasuke?"

Sakura is seated on the floor, white lab coat rumpled, eyes swollen and red, hair falling out of her loose bun. She blinks rapidly and shields her eyes from the sudden light filtering into the dark closet. Reflexively, Sasuke steps into the small space and closes the door behind him, shrouding the pair in darkness. It's silent for a long moment before Sasuke mumbles under his breath and lowers himself to the ground opposite of her. It's an awkward fit; she has to draw her knees up closer to her chest, and he has to place his bent legs on each side of her. His eyes gradually adjust, and the thin slice of light from beneath the door allows him to see the general outline of her features.

"What are you doing in here?"

"I…" Sakura begins with a slightly thick voice, "Um…I was-"

"Why are you crying?" Sasuke demands. Does she do this often, hide away from everyone and break down?

"It's just been…a really long day," she responds with a wet laugh, and he can make out her palms pressed to her eyes.

Sasuke stares absently for a moment. "Why?"

The medic sighs heavily, licking her lips. "I had a poison victim today. Nothing special, nothing I hadn't seen before. He was fine within the hour, but…but he reminded me of him." Her voice is trembling now. "He was just a kid, you know. Couldn't have been more than eighteen. I hate that I still think about him. I hate that I feel guilty for leaving before he was cured. I could have waited just a couple more days…and he would have been fine." Her head tilts back in effort to hold the tears at bay. Sasuke wonders if she's hiding them because he's there. "When I saw the opportunity to escape, I didn't even hesitate. I didn't even spare him a second thought; I just went. I wanted to be free so bad that I was okay with him dying for me to have it. A kid." She covers her mouth with her hands, a strangled sob muffled behind them.

Her sorrow is palpable. He can feel it prickling his own skin, twisting in his stomach. Grief never makes sense. It is never fair. He knows this.

"You survived, Sakura," he finally says, voice steady. "No one can fault you for doing what you had to do."

Her hiccups continue. "Yes, but he was so young!"

"Think about everything we'd done by that age…everything that I'd done," Sasuke counters. "He was one in a group of thieves, rapists, and murderers. They were depraved. We knew what we were doing at that age and so did he. His youth is irrelevant to his innocence. If you had known him before his illness, you wouldn't even feel guilt."

Sakura is quiet now, taking in deep breaths. "I know," she whispers. "But I didn't know him. And it's…it's still hard. I never wanted to be anyone's judge, jury, and executioner."

Sasuke clicks his tongue angrily. Her guilt is undeserved. He wants to assuage it so badly that it makes his skin itch, but he doesn't know if he can. "You weren't. You were his hostage nurse. He condemned himself with his actions. His brother condemned him with his influence. If you had saved him, you probably wouldn't be sitting in this closet right now. An unacceptable trade."

Sakura's eyes are bright across from him, the only shining thing in the dark, and it is silent. One day, Sasuke knows that her guilt will begin to fade, that her recovery will bring out the bad things on the worst days, but she will mend. He just…wants to be there during the process.

"I think I'm going to stay in here for a few more minutes," Sakura finally says with an exhale though she seems calmer.

Sasuke shifts, and his leg presses up against hers. She lets her hand rest absently on his ankle. "Hn. I'll stay in here too then."

He forgets that he's hungry.

**********

Sixty-seven days. Sasuke is _aching_.

Watching Sakura laugh uproariously over something Sai and Naruto are arguing about makes his throat dry. In the dim lighting of the restaurant, she is shining. The joy in her eyes is pure, the tears of mirth refreshing, the smile fixed on her lips well deserved. After all this time, he is certain that this is the most carefree he's seen her. That ghost that seemed to follow her around for so long is not present, doesn't linger in her eyes or sit on her shoulders. Every part of her that heals also heals him.

Sakura reaches across the table to Sai's plate and steals a dumpling, popping it in her mouth with a satisfied sigh, eyes fluttering closed as she savored each chew.

He really should look away, should at least try not to look like an obsessive stalker or like she's not the only one in the booth with him. But she's…she's so Sakura. He is so _enchanted_ that it begins to hurt.

He can't remember the last time he's wanted something this badly. It's like an ache that simmers right underneath his skin, steals breaths from his own chest, winds restlessly along his bones. Surely, there was a time when his revenge mattered to him this much, but he really can't remember it ever feeling like this. The old Sasuke wasn't used to acknowledging any emotion toward anything. It's almost overwhelming to try and fuse that Sasuke with this one…the one that wants her to the point of pain. He's spent so much time questioning if the two could coexist that he began to fear the answer.

Quieting a sigh of frustration, Sasuke grinds his teeth and clenches his fists beneath the table. Even if he could reconcile those two parts of him…did he even deserve to have her?

A gentle touch lands on his clenched fist. Sakura smiles gently up at him – secretively, like she just knew – and squeezes his fingers, immediately easing the tension she finds there. He holds her gaze for a moment and exhales heavily, but her hand remains on his even when she turns back toward Naruto. He wants to be the type of man who can smile back at her with promise, but he isn't so he simply lets her fingers twine with his. The touch is comforting, an anchor.

When he raises his dark eyes from their joined hands, he catches Kakashi's gaze peeping out over his book. The silver haired nin's face is pulled into a strange expression, his eye missing its usual teasing glint. Sasuke feels like he should understand it, but he's not sure that he does.

The rest of their dinner passes in a blur. There is laughter and merriment, endless chatter and storytelling. Sasuke feels so detached from it all. He feels...like the old Sasuke. He is acutely aware of the fact that he hadn't missed him.

The night is cool and quiet as he accompanies Sakura on her walk home. There is no talk to fill the silence between them, just the hum of the night bugs and soft song of the wind. Sakura seems unaffected by this, smiling softly and letting her shoulder nudge his arm playfully as they walk. The streets are empty of people, the sky full of silently glittering stars.

When they stop in front of her door, she leans her head back to look up at him, and Sasuke is – once again and unsurprisingly – overwhelmed by the vibrant green of her eyes. His hand moves forward of its own accord to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, and she presses her cheek into his palm just slightly. He leans forward, pressing his chest to hers, their lips separated by mere centimeters. Their breath mingles for a second, and he lets his fingers scrunch desperately at the back of her blouse.

He wants to so badly, wants to get lost in that exquisite feel of her mouth once again, but he can't. For the first time in his life he curses his self-control.

Sakura, standing on the tips of her toes, smiles sadly and puts her hand on top of his where it still rests on her cheek.

"Sasuke," she begins softly and then pauses to take a deep breath. "No one gets to tell me what I deserve. Just me. And I want you. It's that simple." His breath catches somewhere in his chest, his fingers fist harder in her shirt. "I know why you're hesitating. And maybe…maybe this isn't about me deserving better; maybe it's about you thinking that you don't. But if you need time to convince yourself of the opposite, I understand." She leans forward and brushes her lips against his just slightly, and she gives him back the breath that stuttered in his chest. "I just want you to know that I'm ready. I've been ready for a long time."

There is a soft glimmer of tears in her eyes as she pulls away and heads into her apartment, the door clicking shut softly behind her. He puts his hands on both sides of the door frame, leaning his forehead against the door and exhaling heavily. He stays there for several long moments.

He doesn't understand why, after wanting her so desperately for so long, something makes him hesitate.

**********

On day eighty-eight, Sasuke realizes that _thing_ that made him falter, that coldness clenching in his stomach, was fear.

He was afraid when he was a child and his family was just gone and he was alone. He was afraid when he was much older and he finally found out the truth and his brother died anyway.

And now he's a man and he watches Sakura move about the bar with life and laughter, and he realizes he isn't just scared…he is terrified. He is terrified because he's never done this before. There have been women – fast and easy and forgotten – but there has never been another Sakura. There has never been this fullness in his chest that is raw and exhilarating and powerful all at once. There has never been this person that haunts his every thought and every breath, his favorite ghost breathing life back into him.

Across the floor, Sakura twirls around to the song playing overheard, bouncing around Ino and Tenten in a flurry of pink and green. The smile on her face is wide and bright, her cheeks dusted a healthy pink, and he can practically feel her laughter from where he is sitting. She is so bright and carefree, so similar but so different than the girl she was before her kidnapping. There's a resoluteness in her spine that wasn't there before, a sort of somber intelligence that lingers in the darker flecks of green in her eyes. But she is so strong and so lively and still so sweet that it makes his chest burn. He is so fucking proud of her.

The song switches to something with a slower tempo, and Sakura stops in the middle of the dance floor, catching his eye immediately. Her chest heaves up and down, pink waves a mess as they tumble down her shoulders, and her gray dress clings to her lithe figure in the all right places. A flush lights up her cheeks and spreads down to her chest, and she smiles shyly at him, like she's flustered by the intensity of his gaze. He bites back a groan when his cock hardens instantly but doesn't try and pretend like he isn't staring. This isn't like the last time they were here. There couldn't be any pretending at this point.

A few new arrivals break their connection, rushing up to her to wish her a happy birthday with gusto, and Sasuke hides the way his lips quirk upward when she glances back over her shoulder at him, wide-eyed and still blushing.

"Are you two finally going to do something about this sexual tension? I'm not sure how much longer I can watch it go on." Kakashi's almost bored sounding voice breaks Sasuke's concentration.

Stupid old man. "Then don't watch," Sasuke grits out, glaring at his former sensei, whose eyes are alight with mischievousness.

"I don't know if I'm proud or disappointed," Kakashi continued, leaning leisurely against Sasuke's table. "You've held back for so long I started to question if you wanted her at all. But then I see they way you follow her like a lost puppy and there's no way you don't want her when she's in that dress-"

"Kakashi," Sasuke growled warningly, his fists beginning to curl and tighten. His former sensei was watching Sakura dance a little too fucking closely.

The silver haired man only grins beneath his mask, his one visible eye crinkling at the corner, but doesn't say anything more for a long moment. The two are silent, Sasuke returning his attention to Sakura, who is now standing off to the side with Naruto. She snuggles tiredly into his side, accepting his friendly hug as the speak quietly to one another. Naruto's face is serious but his eyes kind as he murmurs affectionately into her hair. The pinkette's eyes slip closed at something he says, a brief look of pain passing over her face before a soft smile turns her lips upward again.

"Don't you think she's waited long enough?" Kakashi asks. The copy-nin's face is impassive, but his eye shines with affection as it gazes upon Sakura. "Haven't you?"

Sasuke is struck into silence as Kakashi pats him on the shoulder and glides over to join Naruto and Sakura. She has openly wanted him since they were children, and he has wanted her for…probably longer than he's capable of recognizing. They have paid their dues ten times over. Is this finally theirs to have?

It's hours later that the party dies down, and Sasuke walks side by side with a cheerful Sakura, his arms laden with gifts that friends have showered her with. It's nearing three in the morning, but Sasuke feels no inkling of fatigue as he keeps stride with the petite girl. She is smiling widely, green eyes alive with happiness as she swings the two gift bags Sasuke had allowed her to carry, and she is so colorful it nearly blinds him. For a moment, he thinks of the girl in the hospital bed, thin and pale and tired. They are hardly the same people. But they are both so, so beautiful.

Her apartment is quiet when she unlocks the door, only the hum of the refrigerator and crinkling of wrapping paper breaking up the silence. With a blithe smile, she takes each gift from his arms and settles it onto the kitchen table, running a grateful a hand across a sparkling purple bow adorning a silver wrapped gift.

...something is building in Sasuke's chest, something tight but buoyant, something that steals his breath for a second and gives it back so viciously. If he doesn't move, doesn't do something right now, then he thinks he'll never forgive himself, and there are so many other things he is still trying to forgive himself for. He realizes he's finally making a choice, and he chooses her.

Because he's finally decided he doesn't give a damn if he deserves her or not. She wanted him, and he wanted her. For once in his life he was going to let something be that easy.

It's like she's completely aware of what he's thinking because she turns to face him just as he strides toward her, green eyes wide and maybe a little nervous but bright, bright, bright.

Kissing her is nostalgic, like the smell of Sunday mornings as a child when you managed to wake up in time to catch the scent of dew on the grass, like the comfort of a warm blanket and a comfortable chair on a lazy Saturday. Kissing her is like home.

She accepts him immediately, opening her mouth to his so that his tongue can glide sensually against hers. One hand fists in her wavy strands, while the other locks around her waist, pulling her so close that she can't take a breath without him feeling it. Her body curls into his, soft breasts pressed against his hard chest, hips pulled magnetically together. His lungs burn for breath, but he can't stop, wants to keep drawing those soft gasps of pleasure from her mouth. Her fingers tangle in the longer strands of his hair that rest against his neck, a small bite of pain twinging when she tugs at them, his cock straining against his pants, hard and insistent.

They move. Her small hands are underneath his shirt, fingernails grazing his abs and making him shiver, drawing the fabric up and over his head. He wants to be soft, gentle, slow, but she only pulls at him when he lessens his heavy touch, and he's pressing her hard against her bedroom door before he can stop himself. He likes the way she gasps at his teeth nipping her earlobe, likes the weight of her breasts in his palms once he unzips the dress and lets it puddle at her feet.

She tugs him toward the bed by the band of his pants, nimble fingers already working at his zipper, and he can't let this end too quickly, can't let this end like the last time.

Gripping her beneath the curve of her ass, he lifts her and tosses her onto the bed. She giggles when she bounces, wavy stands of hair flying across her face, naked skin so beautiful against the pale blue sheets, breasts bouncing so enticingly his mouth waters. He's on top of her before she can laugh again, his mouth taking hers fiercely, calloused hands traveling up the smooth length of her thighs, fingers dipping beneath the bands of her underwear.

His lips close over a nipple, and she trembles so violently beneath him, he only rolls that puckered bud harder between his teeth and grips the smooth skin of her ass tighter, bringing her cunt closer against his covered cock. They grind hard against one another as his lips work her into a frenzy, her toned legs bending up near her waist so she can push his pants down his hips with her toes.

Her skin against his is so fucking perfect, and he buries his head against her neck and inhales deep. Lavender. Spring. Sakura. Home.

Impatiently, he dips his finger to her center, feeling the wetness that has gathered there for several moments before he pushes a finger inside. She gasps, arching into him. "Sasuke, I'm ready now. We don't need to wait. Please."

Her desperate words give him a momentary pause. It's obvious that she's ready, but maybe he isn't. Maybe he's the one that needs it slow. Ignoring her, he continues to work her with his fingers, slipping two inside her as his thumb expertly rolls over her clit. She's mewling and gasping, fingers clutching desperately in the sheets, hips bucking beneath him. He moves his lips along her throat, her shoulders, graze over the shell of her ear. When she finally comes, he kisses her desperately, trapping her moans inside his body to keep forever.

It takes a moment for her to gather her wits again, and the way her eyes open all half-lidded and dreamy makes his chest expand until it's so, so full it hurts. Her small hands glide along his hips and down to his eager, throbbing erection. He grunts when she closes her fist around him, thumb spreading around the precum gathered at this tip. She works him up and down for a bit, and he lets her, his head falling into the crook of her neck as the pleasure slithers down his spine. Then, she's guiding him to her entrance, eyes lit up with pleasure and want. He slides into her easily, all the way to the hilt, and wonders if it hurt her last time. If he had prepared her enough, been gentle enough. He aches with the thought that he might not have been.

He doesn't move for a long moment, simply basks in the exquisite feel of her tight heat around him. Sakura finally spurs him into movement by digging her hells into his ass, undulating her hips into his. Finally, he moves. Their chests are pressed flush together as he hits deep but slow, her nipples dragging against his bare chest with every thrust. He keeps the pace steady, and she's tossing her head back desperately on the bed, scattering pink all over the place, begging him 'Please, Sasuke, harder. Please, more.'

Her breathy please are heavy in his ear, her face pinched into a pained expression. He wants so badly to make this last forever, but he feels delirious with his want – need – for her. Before he can stop himself, his hips are snapping furiously against hers, her breasts bouncing with each thrust. She feels like silk and heat and perfection around him, and he groans as he feels his balls tighten to the point of pain. Dropping his weight almost completely onto her, he buries his face in her neck and sucks small bruises into the skin there. She's gasping and moaning and crying out, hiking her knees up higher around his waist, holding onto his shoulders helplessly as he rides her into oblivion. She finally comes with a silent scream, head tossed back and eyes screwed shut. When he comes, his entire vision whites out, and he swears he loses consciousness for a moment.

They stay wrapped around each other for long after that, naked and quiet. When Sakura finally looks up at him with those jade eyes so bright and open and fucking beautiful, Sasuke feels something settle into place inside him.

A ball of emotion catches in his chest. How could he have ever been afraid of this?

**********

Day ninety-five and there is peace. And only a few ghosts.

It's late morning, and they haven't gotten out of bed yet. He'd woken this morning and wanted her so badly that he woke her with his head between her thighs, his tongue bringing her to orgasm. Then, he'd rolled her pliant body over so that she was laying on her stomach, his face buried in the side of her neck as he fucked her leisurely from behind. Now, they lay together quietly, him lying on his stomach between her thighs, his head resting on her stomach as she absentmindedly brushed her fingers through his dark hair. He is sated and content, basking in the soft, warm glow of the sun as it pours through her bedroom window.

Being with Sakura is so easy. He thinks it's a little weird how smoothly they slipped from…whatever they were and into this relationship. It's the easiest thing he's ever done. Touching the small of her back, smoothing his hand down her hair, untangling from her naked body in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. They fit together better than a puzzle, better than a lock and key. They're like two different liquids just flowing into each other, swirling and blending effortlessly until they're one.

With her, he feels like he can finally breathe. Her brightness provides him with a levity he's unused to; her love comes with no conditions. But at the same time…her goodness makes him question his own sins. He doesn't want to think about them so much, but he does. When her heart is laid open for him in her eyes, in her touch, all of the way's he's ever hurt her float to the surface, and he's never wanted to turn back time more than in those moments.

A soft touch to his cheek gets his attention, and he turns his gaze upward to meet her clear gaze. She wiggles out from under him so that they're both laying on their sides facing each other. The gentle touch of her fingertips traces his mouth and then his nose, her expression so beautiful and soft.

"I shouldn't have left. The morning after we first had sex. I know you feel guilty because you think you abandoned me…but I abandoned you first." Dark pink lashes flutter rapidly against her pale skin, and she swallows visibly. "I don't know what would have happened that next morning, but I was too scared to find out, so I left you before you could react. I know you want to take full responsibility for withdrawing from the mission, but I influenced that decision. I helped you make that choice, and I need you to stop blaming yourself. You're not the reason any of this happened to me."

Sasuke takes hold of her hand and presses her fingertips to his lips. Her viridian gaze is watery, pleading with him to let free his ghosts. The sigh he releases comes from a deep, untouched place within him. It doesn't feel right to do what she's asking but…if this is the way to move on then he'll do it. Whatever it takes to make her happy, he'll do it.

"Okay," he says quietly, and his chest hurts and his eyes burn, but his spirit feels light. Did he really have the right to deny his own absolution when she was handing it to him?

She smiles that soft, understanding, electrifying Sakura smile and moves to kiss him, tangling her fingers in his inky black locks. A booming knock sounds on the door right when he's moving his lips down her throat, and he curses while she groans in dismay, dropping his forehead into the base of her throat. Reluctantly, he disentangles his body from hers, yanks on a pair of sweats, and stomps to the front door.

Naruto stands grinning on the other side, hands clasped behind his back and rocking back and forth on his heels. "Answering Sakura's door half-naked now, huh?" he asks smugly. "And here I thought you were trying to keep this whole thing on the down-low." He shoulders his way inside, Sasuke grumbling and glaring behind him. "It's not working by the way. Half of Konoha and probably all of our friends know what you two have been up to."

Sasuke slams the door. "It's not a secret, Idiot. We're just enjoying time to ourselves."

Naruto ignores him, making a beeline for the bedroom, and Sasuke practically throws himself after him, aware of Sakura's state of undress when he'd left the room. When the two stumble into the room, Sasuke with his arm raised to trap Naruto in a headlock, he's relived to see that she had pulled on his shirt and a pair of her pajama shorts, sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs crisscrossed when they appear.

"Naruto!" She laughs when the blond throws himself at her, tackling her to the bed in a tight hug. The pair laugh for a long time, wrestling playfully and attempting to tickle each other. Sasuke leans against the doorframe, silent but watching with the tiniest upward tilt of his mouth.

Finally, they part and Naruto sits up, glancing from him to Sakura for several long moments. There's something soft and blissful in his expression.

"I'm getting married in less than a month," he finally announces proudly, and a barely-there mist blankets his sky-blue eyes as they dart between the both of them. He grabs Sakura's hand and pulls it to his chest, and his smile is so, so wide. "And I'm so glad you're going to be here for it. Both of you. I thought for a moment that you wouldn't…that we wouldn't all be there together." A quivering inhale. "And I'm so happy. So happy. This is the way it was always meant to be."

Sakura laughs tearfully, laughs and laughs and laughs until the tears finally drip from her eyes and onto her cheeks, and she launches herself into Naruto's arms. They hold each other tight, and even if they're both crying, their smiles never actually disappear. That ball of emotion that Sasuke's become so accustomed to surges up in his chest and expands until he almost can't breathe. It's a good feeling.

There aren't any ghosts in here.

**********

Naruto and Hinata's wedding is nice – beautiful, magical, Sakura had gasped – but he'll only admit that it was nice. The ceremony is brief but sweet (he can admit that much), and Hinata is stunning in her gown. Sakura holds his hand so tight during the vows that he's pretty sure he fractured some bones, but the serene, moved expression on her face is worth any pain.

Afterward, the reception party picks up quickly, and there are glasses of wine and champagne being passed around generously, music and laughter filling any spaces of silence.

It's been a good time so far. He has a decent buzz developing, and the food was excellent so he's full and satisfied. There has been a handful of light but meaningful conversations – he and Naruto and Sai, he and Kakashi, a surprising though somewhat stilted conversation with Neji. He even got a weird nod of understanding (approval, encouragement?) from Kiba, but he cares very little about that because seriously…fuck that guy.

For now, Sasuke is content sitting a table nursing his own glass, sipping quietly as his eyes trail Sakura on the dance floor. Stunning, she's just stunning. She's twirling around with Ino and TenTen, her long gold gown smattering sparkle all around her, a mass of pink curls tumbling somewhat wild across her back. There's a healthy pink flush in her cheeks, and he's pretty sure that's from the four – yes, Sakura, I'm pretty sure you've had more than two – glasses of champagne she's drunk so far. The trio of girls is dancing and giggling in the middle of the dance floor, recruiting unwitting guests to join them, taking Hinata hostage whenever they can, singing along very loudly to every song they know.

She's happy. So is he.

He's a little intense in his observation of her – he knows this – but sometimes he just can't believe this is _real_. He doesn't know how to love another person this way, so most of the time he's not sure he's even doing it right. It terrifies him that he could be getting it wrong, could mess it up one day, but he's going to do it every day for the rest of his life, and he's never going to let her go.

Something about his expression draws her away from the dance floor, and she's gliding his way a little breathlessly, her dress lifted just slightly in one hand, her expression bright.

"Dance with me?" she asks, grabbing both of his hands and tugging him up. He goes without a fight, glad that a slow song has replaced the upbeat song from just seconds ago. When they're in place, she drapes both arms across the back of his neck and leans the side of her face against his. Naruto wiggles his eyebrows at them where he's dancing with his new bride, and Sasuke is obligated to roll his eyes back at him.

For a long moment, they're quiet, peaceful.

Sasuke inhales deeply, pressing his face into her hair. "One-hundred and fourteen days."

"Why do you keep count?" she asks softly after a moment, her fingers comfortably caressing the back of his head.

He doesn't answer immediately because he's not sure he wants to. While he's a different person entirely when they're together, there are still parts of him that he has a hard time sharing. When the moment of silence becomes too long, Sakura leans back slightly to look him in the eye, her eyes expectant and encouraging but not pushy. She's so open and so honest; he'll never stop wishing he could be just like her.

"When you were gone," he mutters, tightening his hands around her waist. "I was afraid that it would never end. Now, I'm afraid it will."

The looks she gives him is understanding and pained and loving all at once. He's weird, and Sakura doesn't judge him for even a second. He loves her more for it.

"Oh Sasuke," she breathes against his lips, smiling. "It won't."

Her response is perfect, and he kisses her deep and hard and so full of everything he's ever felt for her that he's pretty sure her knees tremble a little. Their bodies are pressed together so, so tight. He loves the way her heart beats against his chest. Forever isn't something he is familiar with; he's never been able to see that far. But Sakura…she makes his sight almost endless.

On day one-hundred and fourteen, Sasuke thinks he should just stop counting.


End file.
